A NEW YEAR A NEW JOURNEY

Oh me where to begin. It is now mid August of 2010. I have let time get away from me in the worst way. I am now the mom of 3 ... Megan is now 5, Peter is 3, and the little Buddy is 2. It has been a fire storm to say the least. With almost 2 years past since the last year I have decided that with life change comes and so therefore I will pick up this journey in my life via documenting all that happens... my new title is dreading the travel but longing for the journey!

We returned at the beginning of July from a wonderfil trip with the in laws to Pawley's Island. It was renewal of the soul I must admit. As my Caleb and I ventured off one day for a quick trip to the store and a ice cold Milkshake we began to talk of all the DRAMA in our lives and needless to say one things led to another and we decided to venture into new terrritory. I made mention to Caleb with the statement " Have you ever thought about packing up and going back to YWAM, I could do travel nursing and you could work with YWAM. " HE stated that yes he thinks of it often and was simply waiting for me to be ready! READY!!!! I was so ready for something new I could scream!!!!!! He stated that I needed to throw a fleece out and see about a nursing job, so that I did. I immediately went home and did that. Was I a little scared, of course, I have never been one to leave the comforts of life especially if it meant packing up and leaving the known for a world of the unknown. I filled out applications and once Monday came... I was getting calls left and right. At first it seemed like closed doors and then all of a sudden I spoke with an agent and BOOM I was in. Now August 20th I am here Dallas, Texas! Why I am here I am still asking God, How long I am here... asking God that too.... What am I doing here..... well I have a call into God about that too! I received a call mid July and I was told there was a position in Dallas... I was then told that they needed me STAT! Well.... I was still employed and as far as I knew I needed to give a 2 week notice. I did that and began preparing myself for the journey. I went home and began to pack and cry... cry adn pack... what had I done... what had I done to my family.. Yes we needed to leave.. the weight of the world was getting too heavy and I was beginning to sink faster and faster. No hope or end in sight. I felt as though I was running a race I was never going to nor was I intended to win. Caleb was sinking too. For so long we had made the most of situations and given until we were rung dry... I hate that feeling and I know he did too. To hurry this story along Caleb decided he was going to make a quick ROAD TRIP with Megan to Idaho to get a better vehicle to carry all of our stuff namely a trailer for travel. Needless to say, I was home with the little guys and it came time for me to leave because I had to be here in DAllas Aug. 9th to orient. SOOOO Aug. 7th rolled around and he was still not home nor was he going to make it home.. I left the boys with the Greens and began the journey on my own.. WAs I scared oh so very scared!!! I did it though. Caleb told me it would be hard, but once I got on the interstate I was smooth sailing. I did a lot of crying and asking GOd why. I so wished that my husband my comforter was there with me. He can be brass sometimes, but for the most part he keeps my head clear. I did not need sensitivity eventhough that is all I wanted. I proceeded to head toward my destination and made it to Little Rock without a problem. I decided it was 3am and I needed to pull over. I did, I felt so big and yet so small! I pressed back tears in the worst way. I wanted to be home. My husband and first born were somehwere in Wyoming, my babies were with people who were not thrilled about having an addition to their home, and then there was me..... ALONE!!!! ALL ALONE!!!! I did not like it one bit. I awoke a few hours later and headed on to Dallas.

I drove a 2 lane road for hours and then all I can say is hello Dallas and hello 14 lane highways. I called for directions to the place in which we were staying and was greeted by an Indian speaking man whom I could not understand. I got to our location and began to Sob. It was 105 I was hot, my car was leaking who knows what and all I could think about was my moms voice telling me "I was going to die, poor me, poor life, poor baby" I had decided I was going to hate this place no matter what. I called Caleb and cried until I had no tears left. THEN I decided I would pull up my booties and head out to fidn this hospital I was going to have to report to bright and early the next morning. I headed out and got so incredibly lost, I found a little day surgery place that let me in. I cried to them and they gave me a Coke and directions. I found where I was going and headed back home. When I returned I felt a new air... I felt I could survive and that the place we were staying was not all that bad after all. I kind of liked it. Caleb to this day will hold it over my head that I hated the place... I explained it was only for the first little bit and that was because I hated life and all that it held in it when I first got to Dallas.

My family was still not there, and would not be until the end of the week, but I knew that each day alone would be a day I could grow closer to God. I knew He was the one I needed to mend a realtionship with and indeed he was the one I needed to make my own. Boy was I scared, I think I was scared because trully making Him Lord of my life meant making him LORD of my life and not putting ANYONE else in the way. That was hard... Oh Lord please show me how. Be easy with me.... please be easy!!!