A NEW YEAR A NEW JOURNEY

Oh me where to begin. It is now mid August of 2010. I have let time get away from me in the worst way. I am now the mom of 3 ... Megan is now 5, Peter is 3, and the little Buddy is 2. It has been a fire storm to say the least. With almost 2 years past since the last year I have decided that with life change comes and so therefore I will pick up this journey in my life via documenting all that happens... my new title is dreading the travel but longing for the journey!

We returned at the beginning of July from a wonderfil trip with the in laws to Pawley's Island. It was renewal of the soul I must admit. As my Caleb and I ventured off one day for a quick trip to the store and a ice cold Milkshake we began to talk of all the DRAMA in our lives and needless to say one things led to another and we decided to venture into new terrritory. I made mention to Caleb with the statement " Have you ever thought about packing up and going back to YWAM, I could do travel nursing and you could work with YWAM. " HE stated that yes he thinks of it often and was simply waiting for me to be ready! READY!!!! I was so ready for something new I could scream!!!!!! He stated that I needed to throw a fleece out and see about a nursing job, so that I did. I immediately went home and did that. Was I a little scared, of course, I have never been one to leave the comforts of life especially if it meant packing up and leaving the known for a world of the unknown. I filled out applications and once Monday came... I was getting calls left and right. At first it seemed like closed doors and then all of a sudden I spoke with an agent and BOOM I was in. Now August 20th I am here Dallas, Texas! Why I am here I am still asking God, How long I am here... asking God that too.... What am I doing here..... well I have a call into God about that too! I received a call mid July and I was told there was a position in Dallas... I was then told that they needed me STAT! Well.... I was still employed and as far as I knew I needed to give a 2 week notice. I did that and began preparing myself for the journey. I went home and began to pack and cry... cry adn pack... what had I done... what had I done to my family.. Yes we needed to leave.. the weight of the world was getting too heavy and I was beginning to sink faster and faster. No hope or end in sight. I felt as though I was running a race I was never going to nor was I intended to win. Caleb was sinking too. For so long we had made the most of situations and given until we were rung dry... I hate that feeling and I know he did too. To hurry this story along Caleb decided he was going to make a quick ROAD TRIP with Megan to Idaho to get a better vehicle to carry all of our stuff namely a trailer for travel. Needless to say, I was home with the little guys and it came time for me to leave because I had to be here in DAllas Aug. 9th to orient. SOOOO Aug. 7th rolled around and he was still not home nor was he going to make it home.. I left the boys with the Greens and began the journey on my own.. WAs I scared oh so very scared!!! I did it though. Caleb told me it would be hard, but once I got on the interstate I was smooth sailing. I did a lot of crying and asking GOd why. I so wished that my husband my comforter was there with me. He can be brass sometimes, but for the most part he keeps my head clear. I did not need sensitivity eventhough that is all I wanted. I proceeded to head toward my destination and made it to Little Rock without a problem. I decided it was 3am and I needed to pull over. I did, I felt so big and yet so small! I pressed back tears in the worst way. I wanted to be home. My husband and first born were somehwere in Wyoming, my babies were with people who were not thrilled about having an addition to their home, and then there was me..... ALONE!!!! ALL ALONE!!!! I did not like it one bit. I awoke a few hours later and headed on to Dallas.

I drove a 2 lane road for hours and then all I can say is hello Dallas and hello 14 lane highways. I called for directions to the place in which we were staying and was greeted by an Indian speaking man whom I could not understand. I got to our location and began to Sob. It was 105 I was hot, my car was leaking who knows what and all I could think about was my moms voice telling me "I was going to die, poor me, poor life, poor baby" I had decided I was going to hate this place no matter what. I called Caleb and cried until I had no tears left. THEN I decided I would pull up my booties and head out to fidn this hospital I was going to have to report to bright and early the next morning. I headed out and got so incredibly lost, I found a little day surgery place that let me in. I cried to them and they gave me a Coke and directions. I found where I was going and headed back home. When I returned I felt a new air... I felt I could survive and that the place we were staying was not all that bad after all. I kind of liked it. Caleb to this day will hold it over my head that I hated the place... I explained it was only for the first little bit and that was because I hated life and all that it held in it when I first got to Dallas.

My family was still not there, and would not be until the end of the week, but I knew that each day alone would be a day I could grow closer to God. I knew He was the one I needed to mend a realtionship with and indeed he was the one I needed to make my own. Boy was I scared, I think I was scared because trully making Him Lord of my life meant making him LORD of my life and not putting ANYONE else in the way. That was hard... Oh Lord please show me how. Be easy with me.... please be easy!!!

Yub Eeeewwwww

Well today was another some what hectic day. I started the day off trying to clean for the Sanjuriu Christmas party. As I was sitting down to have cereal with the kiddos Peter kept saying something to me. He is always talking, but this time he was persistant for me to hear. He sat across the table screaming louder and louder... Yub EEEEwwwww!!!! I looked at him and he smiled as if to say..... Don't you understand. I immediately responded with a smile and a laugh. OH I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOO!!!!! It was as if he had made contact with me and for once I understood. How priceless that was. How wonderful to know he loves me. How wonderful of God to slow me town to "smell the roses". How wonderful God is!

Needless to say, the night went wonderful and as I fell asleep I knew that that little 22 month old in the room next door loved his momma and everything else he touched that day.

Thanksgiving Blessings

It has been such a long time since I have written but I sure have so much to be thankful for. We are in the midst of Christmas in our home. I have decided that this year Megan is now at the age to understand the meaning of Christmas. She is so precious and such a sponge. Last year she wanted to be Mary 24/7, she dressed, acted and needless to say breathed the part of Mary. I had to be joseph, the donkey, a sheep, a shepherd...... whatever she wished.... I was. I was thinking though about the simplicity of Christmas. That sweet baby Jesus ws born in a little dirty probably smelly place. Into a cold dark world that did not leave much to the imagination. What a gift though to know that a King was born into such a strange world to save us. What a blessing! There was nothing brilliant about the birth, no fanfare, no trumpets, no red carpet.... just simplicity..... just breath taking simplicity. I want to instill that in my little ones this Christmas. I want her to feel the importance of family, creativity, imagination. Forget getting caught up in gifts but instead the true Gift of Christmas.

As Megan delighted in the decorating of our Tree this past weekend the wonder and amazement of this season overwhelmed her. She was so thrilled with the old ornaments and lights that encompassed the day. Peter of course he is out for distruction and Benjamin just sat watching the lights flicker. What a sweet feeling to know that your sweet children are in such awe of the season and more than that.... They are in awe of their Savior whether they know it or not. Last night from the back seat of the car MEgan said to me.... "mom what does birthed mean" I immediately explained to her that it was the same as the word born.... Mary Birthed Jesus or Jesus was born to Mary... she then stated.... "I know I know mom Jesus was born to Mary and Joseph to save us from our sins he was then hung on a cross by soldiers to die for our sins". I was awe struck..... I said, " yes sweet heart he was born to give us life forever" WOW!!!! She understands... why not foster that, why not start now instilling that in her. What a blessing to know that as a mommy I have that opportunity to start now.

Let that be my mission this season oh Lord, may I stay so focused on you that I never stray from your truth.

Quiet Time

Yes Yes Yes, this is an old picture, but it captures what I am going to write about. I think it might just be one of my favorites. I am trying to play catch up with my blogging, So I am going to go back to August 10, 2008. It was our anniversary and we were invited out to the lake with Lorrie and Fred. I have never been to the lake before, not had my kids. I was really thrilled because I thought what a wonderful way to spend an anniversary as well as a SUnday. We get very few "family days" and this was one I was not going to pass up. We went to Clark Park and Fred was nice enough to take many trips out picking up people for rides out in the boat. Megan loved it. She even I think got a little brave and tried to swim a little in the lake. Peter well, he just fell asleep once on the boat. Caleb and I just enjoyed the quiet wide open spaces. It was by far the most peaceful day we have had in a long time. I just loved it!

The reason I chose this picture was because I think it says so much about friendship. There are very few people in the world that you can call as your real friend. One who you can talk to, share stories with, laugh with, and in the end they love you still the same. We headed to the lake with our friends, bathing suits and all and had one of those, " Be yourself days" IT was very nice and enjoyable.

Thanks Durham's for such a great day!

JUST A SINGIN'

We went to church Sunday morning and Peter and Megan decided to go up and sing with their Papa. They have their fake microphones that they give them and so off they go... once again cheap entertainment. We then came home and I think took a 3 hour nap. We woke up ate taco's and then watched this movie that was recommended by our good friend Lorrie "Meet the Spartans" CAn I say STUPID!!!! Oh well, cheap entertainment! I must admit it was funny.

We had a great weekend. It was really nice to just hang out with friends and family. It was long overdue.

SCRUB A DUB DUB

We had a great weekend. SAturday started out very busy, and ended with a visit to the Durham house for a much needed game of ROOK. Once again we were the loosers but it is just as fun. I love going over there because the kids have a ball and so do Caleb and I. DO not ask why I have a picture of the kids taking a bath, but I thought it was a fun picture. See Grace Durham gave Megan some purple foam bath soap and therefore my kids were entertained for about 45 minutes in the bath. Thank you Grace. I got so much done. I got laundry put away, Benjamin fed..... easy entertainment! Thanks Durham's for a great Saturday.

Louisville

Last weekend we went to KY to a tournament. It was more a time to just get away as a family. Megan loves going to a hotel and so we thought why not take the whole family. We arrived LATE Friday night and got up the next morning to go to the tournament. The kids did so well and to tell the truth there were enough people that we knew there that it made it fun. The city is beautiful and very well kept. EVEN the Wal-Mart was top class. It has these marble looking floors. It puts ours to shame.

Oh well we had a great time and here are some pictures of the weekend. I just like being with my family! It is very enjoyable.

The Weekend!

This weekend was pretty uneventfull. Saturday morning I stayed home and cleaned and ended up going to watch a demo in Oak Ridge that Caleb was doing. The kids like going and so do I. My week was completely stressful and not what I would say peaceful. It was just me inside, things were not bad onteh outside, I think I was just extrememly emotional, stressed, and a little frustated. I hate to say this, but for a person my age I am finally becoming who I want to be, but in the process, I am confused about things in my past, confused about so many feeling I have toward past relationships and for that reason I think I was just at my breaking point. Thank goodness Caleb understands and is very compassionate to me.

Sunday we went to church and afterwards went to eat. The sermon was good and seemed to be what both Caleb and I needed to hear. After church we went to lunch with some friends and then home for a great afternoon nap. I love those. Last night I hit the grocery store ( a much needed trip) and then home for icecream. I love that too!!!

Overall, a very enjoyable weekend and for the most part very restful.

Swim Lessons!!!

This is week one back at work Finsihed! It has not been that bad. Caleb has done great with the kids, the kids have done great with him, and I have done just fine being away. MEgan started Swim lessons and LOVES it. She likes her teacher Ian, eventhough he taught her the word "damnit". We had a little talk and all is ok. SHe is doing very well and I think will not be so scared of the water.

This week as had it's share of stresses, work, Caleb's work and the people in it, kids, places to be, food to fix, lunches and diaper bags to pack, but one thing is true when you get home, you are home and it feels soooooo good.

One Last Hurrah!!!

Well it time now to think about heading back to work. My first day back was July 14th and so we decided that we would make the most of it. Caleb and I decided we would go out just us Saturday night on the bike. Eventhough we both hate leaving the kids, We both felt I needed it. We both needed it. As we began to leave we noticed the clouds were looking stormy so we took the car instead. We ate at Aubrys and then last minute decided to go to a movie. We saw Zohan and it was very funny.

The next day we headed to the zoo and had a great time. Megan and Peter loved the snakes ( YUK) and really everything they could touch they were into. Megan enjoyed showing Caleb everything at the zoo. After that we headed to WAl-Mart and to Taco Bell.... the perfect Sunday!

I hate the thought of going back to work, My routine has been such fun this summer. I know though that it will all be ok and that once again I will step into a different routine. Caleb will have the kids and I have no doubt that he will do a great job.

4th if July

Megan with her face painted on the 4th of July

I know I know, it is July 16th and I am just now writing. That is ok at least I am writing.

Most of the time on the 4th of July we do pretty uneventful things. This year Caleb decided that we should go to the Oak Ridge Freedom festival and it was actually a lot of fun. We arrived about 5:00pm and they had many games for the kids. We met a bunch of friends there so all the kids could play. The ultimate plan was to stay for the fire works that night. We had perfect seats and were ready to watch them UNTIL>>> a storm came. WE all ran for shelter and then decided to go to one of the person's house that lives close by until it passed by. Once the storm was over it was time to go back and I must say that the view we now got for the fireworks was not the best. That was ok. we still had a lot of fun watching them and being together as a family. I have learned through this maternity leave the real true value of family. I am still not speaking to my mom, that is not my choice, but I have learned how precious family is and how I should savor every moment possible while I can.

Just a Lazy Summer

I think by far this is the laziest summer I have had in a long time. Yes we have done many things, like VBS, Swimming, running errands, going and playing with friends. But we have also slept in and just enjoyed being HOME! I have enjoyed having this summer home with my kids. I think for the first time I am enjoying every day. Megan is enjoying playing with her little neighbor Payton and Peter he is starting to develop his own little personality. It is so fun to watch. They are both engulfed in their little brother and love it when he wakes up from his naps so they can play with him. I love watching the dynamic between siblings. Like my aunt Julia once told me after Peter was born.... " A sibling is the best gift you could ever give a child." I am not sure if they see it now, but one day I am sure they will.

That Little Mouse!!!

Today we had a meeting with my parents and needless to say it did not go so good. Mom and dad stormed out and so who knows what the future will bring....

AFter they left I told Caleb I wanted to do something fun. He chose Chucky Cheese. I always feel so overwhelmed there with all the stuff and kids going every which way... But... we always have fun. Caleb loves it he is such a little kid. The funny thing was MEgan kept giving her tickets away to people who did not have any and it drove Caleb NUTS!!! Peter he is just Peter he walked around trying to eat everyone's pizza. Everytime I looked around he was sitting at another person's table.

Eventhough Chucky Cheese is a complete waste of money, it is so wonderful to go to a place where just about everyone is happy. Oh so fun!!! I like seeing my family happy.

After that we went to Wal-MArt and grocery shopped. Atleast I had help. These days I almost require it.

Needless to say it ended up being a great day after all.

(Lorrie thanks for the picture)

Playing Catch Up

MEgan at the Ripleys Aquarium

Peter and Gary his Grandpa playing "submarine man" The wonder of a Child!!!!

Yes I am more than behind on blogging. I just seem to forget or end up being too tired. We have just been visted by the in-laws. Believe it or not it was a very good trip. It was Megan's second time to see them and of course Peter and Benjamin's first. We saw EVERY flea market in Tennessee but it was fun. THey were very nice to have around and very helpful. I think by the day they left we were all ready to say goodbye. THe kids had done enough stretching and I think they did very well for having complete strangers in their space for so long.

I hate to admit this but I do wish they were a little closer so that we could see them a little more. I think the kids could benefit in some ways. Gary loved the kids and was terrific with them.

Overall I would rate the trip and "A"

Still so Thankful!!

I promised to make this Blog a little shorter. We have now been home a week. What a blessing. The week has been wonderful. Yes emotions were on high gear during the week. Those wonderful Post Partum emotions. The weekend they have tapered off I think because Caleb has been home more and we have been able to be together all weekend. he has been such a help to me and so when he has been gone ( even to the mail box) I have wanted him back. I guess that is good. People have been so wonderful to bring meals and needless to say I have been pampered by those who care for me most. Thank you to everyone who was a part of helping us out with visits and food for our first week home. Thank God for Friends!!!

I am now sitting at the computer and have completed 2 blogs.. Benjamin is eating, Peter is sleeping and Caleb and Megan are at the grocery store. I am so thankful I did not have to go.

Like I have said before never underestimate the power of another child. Just because you have a girl and boy and have met your quota.... I have found out there is nothing like adding to your family another life. Am I ready to do it again.... yes... one day... but I think I might try to wait.... just a little.

So Thankful!!

Welcome to the world little one!! May 9th was such a wonderful day! Let's just say it was the day that I had been waiting 9 months for. I will start off by saying that anyone who says that 2 children is enough has not had 3 or 4. What a blessing they are missing. The day started out very quiet. I headed to work as usual feeling a little different than the norm. I told Caleb to stay by his phone and that who knows I might be calling him. Needless to say at 7:15 I walked into school ( work) and the halls were very quiet. I was early so hardly anyone was there and BINGO my water broke. I had to get a schedule done for the Pediatric clinical site and the lady taking over for me. I had to give a test, I had a lot to do much luckily I was prepared and it was all ready but the revised schedule. I quickly sat down and revised the schedule not telling anyone what was going on because I knew they would shew me off to the hospital. Needless to say, the schedule did not take long to complete. I had everything ready on my desk for my substitute and off I went. I called Caleb and from there we both headed for the hospital. I was so glad to see this day.

I arrived at the hospital and they made me a direct admit into L&D and from there I was admitted for Labor. Caleb had to wait on Amy to come take care of the kids and then he arrived about 9:00. We had such a great time just he and I. I never new the peace that would fill the room. I was visited by many old friends that I had worked with and Caleb and I had time to just sit and talk, laugh, reminicse, and rest. It was such a blessing. We had such a sense of family beginning for the first time. To so many it sounds crazy, but he was able to care for me and coach me through labor like he and I had really always wanted. It was just nice... very much a bonding time. This baby was trully sent from God to bond us to each other. We needed this time together.

11:00, 12:00 came and went. ( those were the bets for the time of birth) at 1:00 I new it was time to push and so I just knew it would go fast but this little buger was turned side ways so ONCE AGAIN I had to work for him. At 2:05 here he was little Benjamin what a miracle. Dr. Mckeown made perfectly clear that they were to lay him on my belly and so as soon as that was done I began rubbing him off ( as if I were back in my L&D days) making sure he would pink up and be pretty for his debut in the warmer. Caleb ran off to the warmer and began snapping pictures. Dr. Mckeown ( as strange as it sounds} began talking about what a miracle life trully is.

What a treasure!!!

Needless to say after everyone left the room Caleb and I just were in awe of God's precious gift. He had given us not only one of His very own to care for, but he had given us somethng as husband and wife we had never experienced before.

Caleb left later on to get the kids and they soon got me to my post partum room where I was able to rest. Mom and Dad came up and that was a very nice visit.

May 11th, Mother's Day we came home. What a sweet day it was. Caleb fixed dinner and we all snuggled in with this new little life. Megan the little mommy, and Peter a little scared but loving to the baby.

I am thankful for so many things...I am so overwhelmed with Joy!!

Still Snotty!!

Today Caleb has the kids and so I am at work. I called the doctor and he wants to see them tomorrow in the office for a re-check. Today is also grocery day and so that should be really fun with 2 sick kids. I am hoping to get some things that I can make up adn freeze for when the baby comes. I hope I can think once I get there. I am so ready to have this baby, but then and again.... not really. I am scared. I look at moms with 3+++ kids and they do fine so I will do fine too I assume. I just feel like I have so much left to do to prepare. Caleb seems to think he will be here this week.... YIKES!!! I hope not, well whenever God sees fit for him to come.

I am a little depressed over the fact that my parents have still not come forth to talk with Caleb and I feel like it is not important to them. Eventhough I know I will be fine I would love to have moms help just for the little things that might come up. Until they do though, Caleb does not want them to have contact with us. I pray and cry everynight hoping tomorrow will be better with them.

Oh well I am off and running... back to work.

Are we better yet!!!!

For the past week now we have been so sick at our house. It all started out last Monday with Megan and her high Fever and Peter with mucky yucky eyes and nose. By Wednesday we were at the Dr's office getting heavy antibiotic treatment. The fever continued and continued and well is still around but by Saturday night we were at children's with both children. After 72 hours of antibiotics Peter still had his croup and Megan had a fever of 105.0. I was at my wits end and so we went in. After chest x-rays and sinus x-rays, blood work and breathing treatments. We had a new antibiotic for Megan and Peter was a little better but not great. Yesterday I told Caleb we HAD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!! We get get out last night and I think it did them both some good. We went to get a burger and I think they enjoyed the change of scenery. They are both still so pitiful. Today I am at work and Caleb has the kiddos and from what I hear they are surviving. I am trying to get them well so that we can focus on this baby that will be here very soon. Caleb and I have managed to stay well for the most part and hopefully we will get the kids better this week. I must admit though even though I have been a little stir crazy, I will cherish the sweet time that I have had with them. Peter and Megan have been so sick and needy and I am so glad I have been able to be there for them. Lots of hugs and sweet cuddles have come my way lately. I know that life will be getting busier soon and as my skin was crawling to get out the house I just took a deep breath and settled into knowing that I was were I needed to be and that I would always cherish that down time with them. There is nothing like family and there is nothing like the feeling of being there for them when they needed me the most.

A trip to the Zoo!!

Friday afternoon we headed to the zoo, we went with wonderful friends and of course Megan was just in her element. She always has so much fun being with them. As you can see, Peter was worn out. It was a members only, butterfly exhibit. There were so many people there, but we had such a good time and Megan is still talking about it. I am so glad she has good quality friends that love her back. We can not wait until our next trip.

Wonderful Feelings!!!

Today is definitely going to be a beautiful day! I woke up early and got some stuff ready for work and now I am here. I was thinking on my drive in how wonderful the Lord is. He gives us great days despite the rain and cold we just went through just a short time ago. This week I went through my first graduation of nursing students. I must admit I was realy sad. I have taken them as my own and in some ways I think that is good and in other ways, it makes it very hard to part with them. These are not ordinary students, they were my first class and most likely my favorite. I ADORED them so much. These people ranged from 18 all the way up to 60++ years old. I loved them for their shear determination and drive to keep on truckin no matter what the day looked like. For many of them, this was their last if not their only chance to break free and make something of themselves. I know what it is like to go through nursing school and how hard it is. I was single and no children and it was HARD!!! These people have families and are raising grandchildren. Most of them are from abusive situations and are just crawling around in life already. I am so proud of them.

Today we are going to the zoo and I am excited about that too. For many reasons, one would be I really like taking my kids places that they would enjoy. I feel like they trapes around with me all the time and now this is their turn. Also we are going with the Durham clan and we really like being with them too.

Overall it should be a great day and I am hoping to get out of work early or atleast maybe eat some lunch outside.

I hope all who read this have a great day too!!!

This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be GLAD!!!!